and it's done!

Hey there!

First things first. No century we got there too late. 330pm to be exact and they didn't think 40 miles could be covered by night fall. Keep in mind the course was 110 miles to be exact. So we ended up doing something like 75. still an accomplishment, but boo!

I WANTED MY CENTURY!!!

But even though I didn't get it, I still rode 145 miles in 3 days. I'm pretty proud of myself. Expecially since I hadn't been training as I should have. But this ride became MUCH more about the experience and the bonding that took place between me and my co-workers than it was for the mileage. The last day we all rode together until mile 50 and then 2 of us rode the next 20 together and we all met back up at mile 65.

I can't even begin to put in words what the experience meant to me. It was about raising awareness, bonding, stepping far far FAR outside of my box. It was so much more than a 250 mile ride with my company. And you know what? I can't wait to do it again next year. I will be stronger and happier with myself and I will be making my century.

And here it is about what a day or 2 later? And I feel absolutely fine. I guess I'm not as out of shape as I feel huh?

Anyone up for riding 250 miles over 3 days next year? It's open to EVERYONE with just a minimum fundraising requirement.

It really is the ride of a lifetime. No brag, just fact.

p.s. I'll be posting pics as soon as I get them on cd. be patient it's been a busy few weeks.


Now I'm off to catch another plane to oakland to watch the first wedding in my family in 28 years!! I'll be blogging about that too when I'm there. I'm so excited to see family :)

catch ya later.

day 3

Day 3 was yesterday. I'm a little late on the update because we were up at camp miniblah blah and service was spotty. Literally stand in one spot, on speakerphone with one leg up in the air spotty. And trying to work around charging your cell phone is craziness! They set up a cell phone station and its packed with phones.

You should see it, its hilarios. I learned to travel with my charger because you never know where you will have lunch on this bike tour. It may be on a battleship, just sayin.

But this day didn't start out the best. It poured, like raining pouring (kinda like now). That was immediate grounds for dismissal of 70 miles. Plus!!!! I was hhaving major gastrointestinal issues. TMI ALERT: literally pooing for minutes and everytime I went to the bathroom. Craziness. So after the center visit, (2.6) on the bus I went.

Best. Decision. Ever.

Think what you want, I have my heart set on a century. (If this is a duplicate type post, forgive me because I didn't check to see what I wrote the day before.)

day 2 baby!

It is the morning of day 2 here. But let me give you a litle update of day 1.

70 miles complete baby!

That's right, 70 miles. Let me tell you, michigan by bike is amazing. Its gorgeous out here. I passed a lot of corn fields, apple trees and spinanch fields. There was a point at which I wondered why I was doing what I was doing- that was about mile 60ish. But it was the potholes. There was a horrible road we were on and that's where a lot of riders bit the dust, saw cars speed of the road and just in general lost patients.

I'm not afraid to tell you that hills were walked and curse words were had, but we pushed through and came through that finish line to fellow teammates (employees).

But man I'm tired!! My butt hurts, my knees hurt and to be honest I feel like puking. So while I sit here at the first stop listening to patients say than you, I know that today will probably not be a day that I ride. I'm also contemplating riding my first century tomorrow---100 miles. But in order to even complete tomorrow I have to rest today.

So I'm not ashamed...sag wagon here I come.

um...this is REAL camping

Yo DAVITAAAA!

Uh...it's flipping 55 degrees here at night. Whoever said it "wouldn't be that bad" lied. Big ole fat liar. I mean omg. And I don't camp. My version of camping is going to the comfort inn. Good thing I brought an extra blanket.and socks. And sweats...oh I love sweats.

Note to self: bring heater, power plug and pillow next year

As I sit here listening to the famous kt here at davita. I realize that I'm riding for those patients I take care of on a daily basis in my clinic. You might frustrate me when I try to care for you, but it's still for you.Its about my time with my company supporting past, present and future patients of end stage renal disease.this is for you.

Wheels down at 830am.

So always respect the spirit of the ride. No brag, just facts.

All for one and one for all...

Tour DaVita 2009

It's here!! Tour DaVita 2009. I know I haven't talked about it much but I want to thank each and every person who donated to my ride. Be proud in knowing that you are spreading the awareness of kidney disease.

I have already shipped off Casper and she's waiting for me in Michigan. It's the first time I've ever shipped my bike and it went seemingly smooth. It's about 70 miles a day. yep. Although I havne't been riding as much as I should have, I'm sure that I am going to have a great time. My goal is to compete most of the ride. All I have to do is maintain about 12-13mph over 6-8 hours and I'll be fine.

Basically I'm going to ride around Michigan in a gigantic loop. I'm really excited. Nervous, but really excited. It's like the first thing big thing I've committed too. I do plan to update my blog while I'm out there (I can do that from the blackberry) so feel free to read along! I'll post pics when I get back because I am taking DBF's camera.

So again, thank you for those who financially supported me and my ride. And if you didn't, thank you for your emotional support as I embark on this ride! I'm so excited.

And take care of your kidneys!!!

A little perspective

First off, for whoever reads this blog of mine I wanted to say a quick thank you. I've gotten several supportive emails since this endeavor of mine has started. It's quickly turned healthy lifestyle focused, but more importantly, immensely therapeutic for me to be able to keep an online journal for myself. I think I have literally become my own therapist. Then a quick sorry for neglecting you/myself. BUT, I was in finals mode for the end of the quarter and I'm sure all of you understand that. Between trying to feel better and studying for finals, that took up just about all of my time for the past 2 weeks or so. Thank heavens it's over for right now. And I'll just add that I have officially passed quarter 1 of nursing school. whoo!

But I'll be honest. I am mad. Angry. Furious. And i came here ready to be horribly negative about my progress and just really ready to rip myself a new one. But on that 1 hour ride home, I got a little perspective, which I will get to in a minute. Let me first tell you why I was - still am - upset. This morning I get on the scale...+4. oh oh oh, but the kicker is it was +8 before I showered. WTH? I have been working my food for weeks now. Seriously, it's better than even when I was half-assing what I was doing earlier this year. So for me to get on the scale and see +4??? WHAT?! +1, +2 I can handle, but that was just too much for me knowing that I *am* truly working this system. It pissed me the hell off. And then I got angry at myself for coming back to this dark place. I've talked about it before, but I was HORRIBLY depressed in California (specifically before I met my honey). Like not leave the house, clean the house, mother worried depressed. Never really told anyone, but it was me and my mother's little secret. You know how I got out of it. Sheer will and working out. yep. as lame as it sounds I forced it and then eventually the endorphins kicked in and I started feeling better about myself blah blah....snowball. Bonus = losing 60lbs. I tell you no lie when I say the first time I worked out I was purely intent on relieving stress and getting out of depression.

Somewhere along the lines people noticed the weightloss. Then I noticed. It wasn't until about 45lbs lost that I realized what I had done (meaning lost weight). Don't get me wrong, I weighed monthly and ate right but it just never occurred to me that I'd actually lose weight. It was kinda weird. So fast forward to now. I've gained 45lbs BACK. 40 of it in one year. ONE FLIPPING YEAR. So I'm angry. I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to get back to that point. Angry that I can't seem to get it together and get that scale moving in the right direction. Angry that I lose my patients with myself. Angry that I don't like myself anymore. Angry I don't look at myself in the mirror anymore. Angry that my knees hurt. Pissed off because I let it affect me the way I do.

I'M ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I'm probably going to remain angry for a while now. And you know what. That's ok and I'm going to allow myself that anger. What I'm NOT going to do is continue that stupid vicious cycle of getting mad, saying f-it, and eating. No...I'm gonna be pissed off and just keep doing what I'm doing. I swear on all that is holy (which I probably shouldn't do) that I will win this battle one way or another. One way or another. But I know that I'm doing right so my body "should" be responding. So I'm going to be angry, but I'm still keeping to my plan. There was almost a chick-fil-a meal with a oreo cookie milkshake in my hand this afternoon. But eating clearly isn't the solution now is it? I can still be mad and smart. And dammit_that's exactly what I am. Mad and Smart.

So then I'm driving home. Fully intent on yelling and using every explicative mark on myself later tonight. yea. I'm hard on myself, I know. But then I see it. I'm merging onto the freeway coming around the curve and a car 2 cars back to my left on a 2 lane merging curve spins out of control all the way into an oncoming ramp several hundred yards away. It literally spun out of control into the next lane then did a slow spin over a grassy area into another oncoming ramp. Luckily, they came to a stop and no one was hurt.

But that easily could have been me. If I would have slowed down I would have been side swipped easily, lost control of my own car and/or been seriously injured.

Fat or nearly dead. I'll take fat.

It could always be worse and I came uberly close to not having this realization. Hell I could have been that person who lost control. The lord knew what he was doing. Stopped me mid-self wallowing.

I'll continue doing whatever it is I need to do to be successful in my journey. But that doesn't mean I won't get angry and get pissed from time to time. I think as long as I come back to the gameplan within my allotted 24hours I'm allowed a little anger.

Still here!

I'm still here and I haven't forgotten about you guys or anyone else who reads this. I'm still recovering from being sick. I fell MUCH better, but still I feel pretty cruddy. It's all in my head (congestion) and non in my chest so I guess that's good.

I *do* have some thoughts stored up in me that I will get to this weekend. But it's 914pm and I'm already half unconscious.

I'm gonna go nighty night now.

stay well people. because it sucksass.

I'm just THAT lucky

how is it that I manage to get sick.


Again.


2 times sick in 6 weeks. Dude, it's really getting old ya know.




and no. it's not H1N1. I think I had that first, complete with the vomiting. This just seems to be a cold that has knocked me off my feet.

I'm doing ok

Well hello there. It's the holiday weekend! I'm not slack about posting, but I've been a tad bit busy with my social life as of late. No worries, I'm still here.

But first things first. I'm still hittin it on the eating thing *fist pump* I think I'm most proud of going to a tailgate and not eating excessively. Did you hear me? I SAID I WENT TO A TAILGATE AND ATE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! And I was satisfied. I was pretty happy with how I did that on satuarday. Before I left, I did manage to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich along with a few pretzels. I did that on purpose because I didn't want to gorge on the unknown food that was going to be at the tailgate. While I was at the tailgate I had 2 chicken finger and small scoop fulls of the various things that were around. Again, did you hear me? I SAID 2 CHICKEN FINGERS!!! *doing happy dance* I was pretty proud of myself to say the least. And get this, I drank water. WATER I SAID! whoo! I'd be lying if I didn't say that I looked at the skinny wives I was with to check out what they were eating and I mimicked them.

I didn't know how else to do it.

But the whole weekend, where I was out of my element i.e. home, I was successful. I can tell you that.

Unfortunetly, the working out didn't really happen this week. I got in one day and that was about it. My goal is 4-5. oh well. No, no oh well. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't at least make a larger effort to get it in, but I DID stay on top of my eating. And that is always a bigger battle. So while I'm disappointed in myself, I'm happy that I didn't say to hell with my eating too. I'll try to do better this week.

And darn it if that scale didn't show a loss or a gain on thursday. WTH? I'm heading into week 4 of doing all things right but most labels and nothing. I've got 2.6 loss to date. I guess that's good right? No, that is good. I need to accept that it is good. But you know when you are working hard and doing "everything" right, you want to see that change. And the fact that I'm still 3.8lbs over my most recent low kinda sucks and still quite honestly makes me cry. That's just being real. Over the last hmmm week or so, I think I've had about 2 breakdowns from realizing what I've done to myself. It's so disheartning. BUT, I'm trying to change my thinking and focus on the positives that I'm doing with my lifestyle. So, I'm eating and doing right and the scale will eventually show right? RIGHT?

I can tell you this though. I feel SOOO much better. I know I've read that sugar is metabolized out of your body within 48 hours. That's a load of crap. I just don't feel better for at least 3-4 days later. I feel like it's after that that my body releases those water molecules that the glucose holds on too. I'm still a long way from being completely detoxed, but I tell you one thing. GOD I feel so much better. And everytime I think I'd be ok and sneak a bit of sugar, I get a horrendous headache and I'm naseous. That'll learn me. But I feel heavy again. I think that's just some of the food I've eaten over the last few days. Although it's been portion control, it's not clean eating like I have been so I'm feeling that heavy feeling.

So this week, I'm going to focus on continuing the food and getting in the activity. I'm even thinking about going back to the old faithful The FIRM for the next 3 months until I start training for the half-marathon. Couldn't hurt right?

Tomorrow isn't promised to you

I just recieved word the other day that a good friend of mine was in an accident with her sister.

Her sister died and she didn't have a scratch.

I don't have the details of what happened, but it really doesn't matter. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. You never know when the day will come when the Lord will call you up. So this led me to believe that what if tomorrow wasn't promised to me? Death doesn't scare me, but it does make me think every so often. I'm surrounded by it daily since I work in healthcare. Quite honestly it's exhausting.

But everyday, I've got to live my life like it's my last. Choose to be happy. Choose to live. Choose to dream.

I hope I don't leave this earth having the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. It wouldn't be fair to myself. So right now, I'm focused on finding me and unearthing me. This means specifically ridding myself of this weight and the need to feel hidden from life. I'm choosing to live. Because life isn't promised to me tomorrow.

Choose to dream. Then dream big and dream the impossible.